A conflict can make or break a friendship. The way conflict is dealt with or ignored can be a determining factor in its success or failure. The region that initially brought Mira Sucharov and Omar Dajani together was the conflict they shared their journey with us regarding. It was humbling to listen to. To hear about how these two highly educated individuals could feel the same way we do, passionate in their position even if it put them at odds, but then for them to recognize that and be able to take a step back before starting a conversation where both sides had an opportunity to speak.
They explained to us that their friendship had been built over the years. Years of working together, trips, and research. Through all they shared, I found their compassion for each other and life as a whole so moving. There were topics they spoke about that were obviously difficult not only for us to hear but for them as well, and yet they gave space to each other even while talking to us. They never raised their voices or fists against the other, even when they had disagreements, and that stems from their compassion.
When considering the conflict the Israel/Palestine conflict, I contemplate identity theory often. I think about how we form our identities and the struggle with acknowledging our intersectionalities, and I wonder how we are meant to build peace when it is sometimes so difficult to not only recognize another’s identity but to respect it. It is essential to consider how identities are constructed within an individual and as a group and how they can evolve in response to social, political, environmental, and economic factors. When people label themselves as something, they choose their community and embrace an identity, but they are also a part of that identity’s history and formation. Conflicts emerge when identities clash. The differing views can exacerbate tensions, discrimination, and violence, which, in the end, will end up reshaping or reinforcing the existing identity itself.
The key to navigating will be compassion and conversation. Sucharov and Dajani gave us a great example when they were sharing. Sucharov explained how she thought offering a phrase in Hebrew to some of the people she and Dajani met during their travels could be a way to bridge the gap and show their similarities. It wasn’t until Dajani corrected her that she realized she was only disrespecting the other identity. They explained that Dajani was kind in his explanation, educated her on the difference, and helped her see why it wasn’t what she was aiming for. Sucharov admitted it was hard to hear, but it was a shift she took to heart and then adjusted for. Starting the conversation and being a part of it was difficult on both ends, even when it’s about good intentions, but these conversations are crucial to moving forward.
Compassion within communication, especially in conflict, is also incredibly pertinent. It is easy to stand by one’s convictions and preach about them to anyone who will listen. It’s harder to be open to listening to another’s conventions while firm in your own. It takes compassion and patience to listen to someone who might disagree with everything you believe in and not write them off. To respect another person and their beliefs, traditions, and history while still holding your close is a powerful ability. It is needed to truly build peace the way we talk about it in our courses.
My biggest takeaway was the strength that both individuals demonstrated—their ability to appreciate each other and their friendship despite their disagreements and differences. I mentioned earlier that listening to them speak to us about a conflict that is so personal to them was humbling, and it was. They took time to come and visit us on our campus to share about their lived experiences. They talked of the history, their beliefs, the conflict, and hope for the future. It was inspiring to see and really spoke to the hope aspect of the conversation. To see them, unwavering in their own beliefs but open to hearing the other out, responsible enough to recognize when they may not be available to the other’s opinion, and being able to take that step back, that is what we need. Those are the skills we want to develop within ourselves and every generation that comes next, because that will be the vehicle of change, the driving force of hope, as we work towards peaceful resolutions in conflicts of all shapes and sizes.